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Elara’s first little manicure 🥰 I won’t even tell you how many times I painted the little thumb you can see 😂 Making memories with my big girl ❤️
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My little superhero 🥰 Elara has been my little hero these past couple of months without even knowing it. If I’m crying in front of Elara she will come over and give me a little hug and say “it’s okay mummy” which actually makes me cry more 😂 then she looks me dead in the eyes and says “big smile mummy, do a big smile”. Elara makes me smile every single day without fail. She makes me belly laugh and she gives me reason to continue. I am trying to change my mindset around Emmie’s life; trying to smile at the thought of her beautiful face and the days we got to spend with her instead of being sad for what we are missing. It doesn’t mean I’m not sad; I am incredibly so and I will miss my beautiful little Emmie every day I am alive. Life is tough. The little things that would get me down no longer matter. Health and family are EVERYTHING. Nothing else phases me. For me there is no point in life if you don’t have family and your health. Family is not only blood but the friends that are always there for you. I am so lucky to be surrounded by so many that I call family but especially this little bean, her baby sister that we miss dearly and her incredible daddy ❤️
The Future is Equal Me and Elara this morning after our little doggy walk and play in the park before breakfast 🥰 My pride tshirt is from @newlook and Elaras “Future is Equal” t-shirt is from @primark.kids We are raising Elara to know that she can be whatever she wants to be; to treat everyone equally and to always be kind. Making memories with this little one keeps me going ❤️ Katie: Glasses @specsavers Necklace @borcikjewelry Earrings @topshop Tshirt @newlook Skirt @newlook Rings @newlook Watch @apple Watch strap @coconutlaneuk Bracelet @lemonpips_ Anklet @topshop Shoes @birkenstock Elara: Tshirt @primark.kids Skirt @zarakids Socks @hm_kids Sandals @hm_kids
Making memories with Elara 🍓 I want to spend every second of this summer making memories with Elara and Mike; making the summer a happy one for us all. I don’t feel like I can ever truly be happy but I can try. Highly recommend @gowerpyo for your strawberry & raspberry picking needs 🍓 Tap for details!
I love you Emmie, to the moon and back, forever and always and with everything I have. The day you passed away will forever be the worst day of my life. I wish we could have had more time with you. I wish my artery hadn’t ruptured at that moment. I wish so many things that will never come true. I hope you felt how loved you are. How longed for you are. How much everyone prayed you could stay with us ❤️ you are so very loved Emmie, even by strangers on the internet! You have touched so many hearts. I just wish you were here with us every single day. I miss you baby girl. I love you so much 💔 xxx
29. Today I turn 29 years old and in my head it was going to be the best birthday ever because we’d be a new family of four and I’d have my 2 beautiful girls with me. I don’t want to be sad today. When you go through something traumatic you really do realise who your true friends are and I’ve been overwhelmed with the amount of support from so many lovely people that I haven’t even met in person. From bringing me magazines and books in hospital, to sending me beautiful keepsakes for Emmie, to looking after Elara and just reaching out with a simple I’m here for you. In this photo I have tagged all the people I want to say a huge thank you to for being there for me. Your kind words and support mean more to me than you will ever know ❤️
Elara ❤️ I honestly do not think I’d be here on this Earth right now if it wasn’t for this happy monkey! Elara is holding me together, she really is but I’m hyper conscious of her not seeing that. For Elara, mummy went into hospital to have baby sister in the middle of the night when she was sleeping. Woke without mummy or daddy and then spent almost a month away from mummy. When I first came home from hospital Elara was scared of me and I would sob and sob and sob every single day when she wasn’t there. Elara has taken everything in her stride and she knows that little Emmie is the brightest star in the sky. She still asks to hold Emmie occasionally and kiss her and asks where she is. It’s so heartbreaking telling her again and again that Emmie died. I wish more than anything that we could have brought Emmie home. Elara would be,and is, a fantastic big sister; I want to give them both the world ❤️ Emmie you are so loved. If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever ❤️
Emmie ❤️ What I would give to have one more moment like this. This was my first time doing skin to skin with Emmie. She is 5 days old here, and every second waiting for this moment was worth it. I was in an incredible amount of pain but as soon as Emmie was placed on me I couldn’t feel a thing. The oxytocin was flowing and I just felt so much love for my little bean! Look at how perfect she is! Look at that tiny nose 🥰 I will treasure these photos forever! My beautiful Emmie Faye ❤️
Life continues. . As much as I want to pause and wallow and grieve my beautiful Emmie, nothing can stop life continuing. It just my breaks my heart waking up every morning without her. Watching the days turn into weeks turn into months without my Emmie. My baby Emmie who deserved to be here more than most! It is hell! I am living in hell. It’s a nightmare I can’t wake from. A nightmare breaking my heart over and over again. The most cruel part is that I dream every night that Emmie came home with us, that we have days out, chilled days in, newborn cuddles, even cracked nipples; oh what I would give to have sore cracked nipples. But then I wake and it was all a beautiful dream. I don’t know how to be without you Emmie. I don’t know how to hold myself. How to smile like I use to. How to feel, anything but pain. My eyes are swollen and puffy from crying but when someone asks “how are you doing” I reply “I’m fine” not wanting to express anything. I will never be the same person without you. I will never not be yearning for you. I will never ever stop loving you. Mummy loves you Emmie ❤️ forever and always!
Getting out in that fresh air definitely helps; I’m obviously in a very raw and utter heart wrenching grief period right now. But staying in the house and hiding from the world wasn’t helping. I got out for a walk (push around in my wheelchair) and it really helped. I’m still super sore and everything hurts but it was so lovely to get some family time in and be with Elara. This is probably the least “instagramable” photo ever posted to Instagram but it’s real life. I’m wearing a huge oversized T-shirt that just skims my swollen tummy and my maternity lounge wear. I’m trying to stay independent so slip on sandals are my go to. Hair in need of a wash scraped into a low pony but I have my SPF on and I’m relatively happy considering. I cannot explain to you how much it hurts to miss Emmie, to not have her with me is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. My heart literally feels broken and I’m just on auto-pilot the majority of the time. No parent should ever have to lose a child, especially from such a horrific situation. I had an aneurysm on my spleens artery and lost 10 1/2 litres of blood; surgeons have no idea how I am still here. If it had ruptured at any other time and not whilst in labour there’s no question if I’d be here, it’s a given that I would have died. In some ways I think it would have been kinder given how much surgery and recovery this will take and losing my beautiful Emmie but ultimately I am glad I’m here and able to watch Elara grow up. Never take your health for granted. Tomorrow is not a given. 💔💔💔
Emmie Faye Cooper ❤️ Today we registered the birth and death of our beautiful girl ❤️ I wish more than anything that she was still here with us and it kills me every single day that I can’t give her just one more kiss or one more cuddle. Emmie was perfect. She was everything I ever imagined she would be, her white and auburn hair was just too perfect. I love you more than words can say baby girl ❤️