@helenalison_

@helenalison_

❤️ RSE educator, survivor advocate & coach for women who have been in toxic relationships ❤️ Pep talks on healing & not letting the past define you

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@helenalison_

When I was working at my local Rape Crisis the difference between sympathy and empathy was described to me as: 👉 sympathy is standing in front of someone and feeling genuinely sad for the awful things they’ve been through 👉 empathy is standing next to someone and holding their hand through whatever they’ve been through and what they need next I was reminded of this recently when I was looking at this, my little space online, and feeling *awkward* about the business advice that so many internet “gurus” tell you: 👏 promote the “expert” in you 👏 talk with authority 👏 share your expertise 👏 always be one step ahead This has always made me uncomfortable because the angle of that feels all wrong (for me, in this space) because it feels like I’m looking down on those who I want to support 😕 Like I’m imparting wisdom and then scurrying off (to nowhere in this lockdown let’s face it😂) I realised actually a more accurate depiction of this space and the relationship between you and I is the anecdote about sympathy vs empathy: I will ALWAYS want to be next to you ❤️ And that’s because I am. I’m still learning how to move forward from toxicity, I’m still working out how to thrive and I’m still sifting through the mess that is “healing” ✨ these are just my lessons learned.

@helenalison_

The only way you can heal “incorrectly” is by letting someone else dictate your path ✨

@helenalison_

Here’s to finding stuff that makes everyday easier right now 🥰 the stuff that brings us joy, reminds us there is light at the end of the tunnel and, if nothing else, helps us escape from the sh*t 😅 For me this has looked like: ✨ Having a mini morning routine that keeps me sane (getting up around the same time each day, listening to my favourite podcasts and doing my gratitude list) ✨ Ignoring the “family size” label on bags of skittles #2ndtrimester ✨ Upping my meditation practice ✨ Re-watching Netflix documentaries that remind me why I’m so passionate about supporting survivors 🙏 ✨ Taking time out- off social media, away from work and out the house 🌲 What little things have been bringing you joy recently? Sometimes they’re easy to disregard but so often they add up to big shifts, big emotions, big differences ❤️

@helenalison_

To everyone who’s survived sexual abuse or sexual violence I see you and I’m here to support you ✨ Not just for this Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence Awareness Week but for every week. It’s absolutely not okay, and you definitely deserve more ❤️ #itsnotok And, just a little FYI, if you’re finding all the talk/ promotion around this week difficult give yourself a break and check out for a bit 🥰 There can be a temptation to be a “good survivor” by being active, vocal and advocating 24/7 but actually YOU need YOU first- not everyone else 🙅‍♀️ So if the conversations this week are triggering, or just damn uncomfortable, take yourself out of it and do what you need to take care 😘 that’s your priority now.

@helenalison_

Just plodding along today, eating my zillionth Terry’s Chocolate Orange and watching another afternoon movie with the fam 👨‍👩‍👦 and I was reminded that in order to grow you have to plant a seed. ⁣ Sounds obvious but if you’re anything like me you won’t actually do something until you’ve got the idea fully mapped out, written in your best handwriting, laminated and certified by at least 5 other humans 😂 basically I want to begin with the whole friggin tree not the seed 🤦‍♀️ ⁣ This year I’m going to *try* to lean into planting more seeds and simply trusting the process ❤️ ⁣ Beginning with tomorrow’s launch of LET GO & THRIVE ✨ the community of amazing women who want to propel themselves forward and not be held back by their pasts anymore 💛 I’ve ALWAYS wanted a community of like-minded ladies around me like this and I’ve stopped myself because of the dreaded, then what?? What next?? questions 🤯 ⁣ But, tomorrow marks a beginning regardless of how the rest of the journey takes shape 🙏 ⁣ 👉 What beginnings does 2021 have in store for you?

@helenalison_

Happy new year honey bees 🐝 ⁣ I hope that 2021 is kinder and gentler on all our hearts than 2020 was ❤️ ⁣ ... I also hope that you find the strength this year to kick to the curb whoever/ whatever is dragging you down 🤣 #boybye #moving on ✨

@helenalison_

In my work I meet lots of lovely ladies who are not living the life they want or not being the best version of themselves and when you trace it back it’s because of left over sh*t from a previous toxic/ abusive experience 🙁 ⁣ Often struggling with: 👉 being unable to say “no” 👉 attracting absolute baffoons who don’t treat them with the respect they deserve! 👉 low confidence and/ or no self worth 👉 not trusting themselves or their decisions ⁣ These beautiful, successful women are dependent, scared and playing small ❌ and the roots are in the toxicity. ⁣ Often we’re celebrated when we physically remove ourselves from toxic situations BUT there’s not much thought or acknowledgement or support given to the long road ahead 💛 ⁣ Healing is so much more than that first month on your own or the first year of therapy 👏👏👏 ⁣ This is exactly why I created Let Go + Thrive 🌱 because I knew there were LOTS of ladies trying with all their might to move on but without any practical advice or someone to say “hey! I’ve been there, let me show you what I did!” ⁣ And now that’s what I’m doing - I've purposely created a challenge where I can share what I’ve learned both personally and professionally about what it’s like to actually THRIVE after a toxic relationship 👏 ⁣ About what letting go and moving on actually FEELS like 😍 ⁣ ✨I would LOVE to share this with you if you need this right now- for more information or to sign up to the challenge the link is in my bio OR please DM me if you want to talk about it further. ⁣ I’m ALWAYS here ❤️

@helenalison_

✨ How do you become that confident woman you see on Insta? 🤓 ⁣ Firstly, *for your sanity* you need to accept that social media isn’t reality 👎 ⁣ Truly all it is is photos of everyone’s best bits and the stories people choose to tell- and that’s absolutely fine but you have to decide to stop using these squares as a stick to beat yourself with! ⁣ Or as a measurement to live by. ⁣ You will always fall short if you’re measuring yourself against something that isn’t real, so give yourself a break ❤️ ⁣ Secondly, you need to look inwards. What do you want? What’s great about you? What do you struggle with? Is there anything you need to let go of to move forward? These are questions you need to answer (amongst others- self development is a never ending mission after all 🤦‍♀️😂) ⁣ As cliche as it sounds EVERYTHING you need to know about moving forward and building a life you absolutely adore- it’s all inside you 👏Not inside these little squares or in someone’s course or the speech that famous person gave one time 🙄 ⁣ All anyone, or anything, external to you can do is GUIDE you 🌈 Absolutely nothing will change until you decide it’s time to open up Pandora’s box and do the work from the inside out - it’s bloody hard and grizzly but so SO worth it ❤️ ⁣ ⭐️Bonus! ⭐️ if you’re interested in something that could help you along your way to feeling more confident, more present & more YOU 😍 after a toxic ride- join me and some other awesome ladies in our 4 day challenge to letting go of the past and building our future starting Jan 3rd 🌈 Link is in the bio ☝️☝️☝️

@helenalison_

I’ve had this quote saved in my phone notes for approximately 5 years now: ⁣ “It's true that I've been through a lot during my life, that I've experienced quite a few painful things and individual difficult times, and I do think that as a person I'm defined generally by my experiences- the good and bad- my experiences are what make me who I am today. ⁣ But I get to chose how they define me- they make me stronger, kinder, more compassionate, supportive, less judgemental and more accepting, wiser, happier, more fearless, able to communicate with and about a whole host of things and in general a more adventurous person than I was previously. ⁣ On a whole I am shaped by my experiences, but I get to choose how they shape me; my experiences build me up, they don't tear me down." ⁣ I found this quote by Alicia Keys in an interview years ago and it summed up EXACTLY how I wanted to feel about my past experiences ❤️ ⁣ Up until this point I had been terrified that my ex had shaped me for all the wrong reasons and that was inescapable❌ ⁣ These words unearthed a strength in me that said, simply, “i choose” ✨

@helenalison_

A little Boxing Day reminder that if you’re aiming to start the New Year looking forward and shaking off the past ❤️ my free 4-day challenge LET GO & THRIVE is open for sign ups until 3rd Jan when we get started ✨ ⁣ The challenge will focus on helping you to let go of the toxicity in your past and get clear on what a toxic-free future looks like for you 🤩 ⁣ Sending you all the loves on this magical day and I hope like moi you are about 90% matchmakers at this point 😏

@helenalison_

Happy Christmas Eve everyone🎄✨ ⁣ Looking back on my Insta I can see I spent the day last year at the cinema with some of my favourites watching Frozen 2; then in the evening I was downing Aperol Spritz and playing terrible board games for hours 🥰 ⁣ This year there are fewer moments with those I love, non-alcoholic bucks fizz ( #preggers🤰) and I’ve been working all day...It’s different but I’m still grateful 😍 ⁣ Grateful to even still have a job, I know many are not so lucky; grateful for the baby in my belly and the time I am allowed to spend with loved ones 👭 ⁣ But grateful most that Christmas is tomorrow and regardless of what shape it takes they’ll still be little moments of magic ✨ Exactly like last year Christmas eve is a reminder for me to find the joy in the little moments- some things never change I guess 💝

@helenalison_

You probably all know by now- I LOVE a good affirmation 😍 this year I’ve really got into using them to support my wellbeing- by repeating them in the mornings to ground myself and repeating them in those WTF IS HAPPENING moments to stabilise myself (🤦‍♀️😂) ⁣ In honour of my free challenge LET GO & THRIVE (link in bio for more info/ to join ✨) I thought I’d pop these positive affirmations up for anyone who’s looking to let go of the past, release some heavy sh*t and give themselves a bit of love right now ❤️ ⁣ Remember you can add affirmations to your day in whichever way feels comfy to you e.g... 👉 add to your morning or evening routine 👉 use them in your journaling practice 👉 write them down & keep them visible for you to be reminded of! ⁣ Sending you all the positive vibes as you move forward 💕

@helenalison_

We’re almost there- it’s almost time to say buhbye to 2020 once and for all! ✨ although I still have a few more work days left my brain and body is very much ready for a break! ⁣ 2020 has been a year of huge loss for my family ❤️ it’s been the year of feeling isolated; overwhelmed and out of control. ⁣ It’s also been a year of gratitude and growth 🌱 In 2020 I slowed things down, invested in myself more than ever before, I started my new business, bought my first home and allowed myself to go after what I want (finally 👏) ⁣ In the year where I lost the powerhouse of a woman who taught me I was good enough, I was granted a beautiful baby girl in my belly 🤰 ⁣ And with all that I’ve realised: nothings quite as black and white as it seems, nothings all 100% one thing ☺️ ⁣ Usually life throws everything at us at once and we have to exist with it all simultaneously ✨ ⁣ So whatever you’re feeling at the moment just know it’s okay. ⁣ My hope is that this holiday season brings you what you need right now- whether that’s just a gateway into a new year and a fresh start OR some much needed rest and a bit of magic 💕 #byebye2020 #lessonslearned #griefandloss #bossgirlbloggers #empoweringothers #empoweringwomen #empoweringgirls #healingjourney #lettinggoofthepast #timetolive #timetoletgo #preggers #preggerslife

@helenalison_

⭐️ It’s a BIG NEWS kinda day! ⭐️ Today I’m launching my new free challenge LET GO & THRIVE: a 4-day challenge for women who have been in toxic relationships and FINALLLLLY want to leave the past where it belongs and move on ❤️ ⁣ I’m so excited to finally share this news with you all! I’ve been working like a busy bee 🐝 behind the scenes putting my whole soul, lots of personal and professional experience AND a few tears into this challenge 🤯😂 ⁣ The challenge starts on 3rd Jan, is completely FREE and includes a private Facebook group (so we’re all supporting each other through 🥰) ⁣ If you’d like to sign up or find out more click the link in my bio ☝️☝️☝️ I’d absolutely love to have you on board ✨ ⁣ LET GO & THRIVE is a challenge that will guide you to acknowledge the “stuff” that’s still lurking inside; support you to finally let go of the past and give you the steps to identify what a future on YOUR terms looks like👌 ⁣ This challenge is for those women who are in that icky limbo stage where they’ve been chugging along, TRYING to move on, but something in the past is holding them back still 🙁 e.g low confidence, negative thoughts, zero boundaries! ⁣ If this sounds like you feel free to DM me for more info (I know it can be scary to make a change 💕) or click the link in the bio ☝️ ⁣ I’m now off to eat a Krispy Kreme in celebration 😏😂 eek!

@helenalison_

“You’re not stupid or whimsical to want more for yourself. You’re brave ✨ ⁣ It takes courage to dream big...to build a life you’re proud of after heartbreak and trauma. To show up after everything and admit you want more- that’s brave ❤️” ⁣ ☝️☝️☝️ I wrote that a couple of weeks ago and tonight as I nervously put the finishing touches to something BIG I’m sharing with you tomorrow, it feels more true than ever 🥰

@helenalison_

I had my final coaching session with @themanifestationcollective recently😭 and in the run up to the session I was reflecting on what the big “take aways” have been from our time together. ⁣ Obviously Victorias helped me a sh*tload with my business BUT one of the biggest lessons she’s helped me with is tuning into my intuition ✨ (if you know Victoria you’ll understand why this would be her forte 👌) ⁣ Before working with Victoria I knew what I wanted really, but I kind of just buried it.. 🙄 I didn’t want to admit to myself what I actually wanted for my life because they were big, intimidating goals that I wasn’t sure I could handle- and, most importantly, what would other people think? 😳 ⁣ Victoria sifted through allllll of that and showed me that the life I dream about is on the other side of denying myself. ⁣ She gave me permission to WANT ✨ ⁣ Often when we’ve been in a sh*tshow of a relationship- whether that’s with family, friends or a partner- you stop wanting for yourself. ⁣ You put your desires on the backburner and prioritise 👉pleasing 👉surviving 👉just attempting to BE! ⁣ So, I’m throwing this personal lesson in growth back to you today- what do you WANT? 🤷‍♀️ What do you really want for your life and yourself? ⁣ Give yourself permission to decide on these things and go after them- everything telling you not too isn’t serving you anymore ⭐️

@helenalison_

It’s okay to mourn who you once were but at the same time accept and celebrate who you are now ✨ ⁣ You may not be able to be that person again, but i firmly believe you can be better. Your future can be even brighter than you imagined❤️ #survivor

@helenalison_

Off the back of my post the other day about what to stop doing post- toxic sh*t, let’s talk about some awesome steps forward we can take, eh? 😆 ⁣ 👉 Build community 👉 Open up with someone you trust 👉 Consider and plan for YOUR future 👉 Invest in yourself 👉 Take your self care seriously 👉 Set healthy boundaries (with everyone!) ⁣ These have all been pivotal in my journey at some point BUT I just want to say, building community has been my #1 ✨ ⁣ Silence and being isolated sucks 👎feeling like you’re the only one whose dealt with this stuff, is a one way road to feeling abnormal and ashamed. ⁣ Talk to someone, find someone who is also healing, get that vital voice in your life that reminds you you are NOT alone ❤️ ⁣ Trust me it HELPS 🙏

@helenalison_

Its Human Rights Day 🌈 This years theme is “Recover Better” e.g. whilst we think about how COVID19 has impacted us let’s also think about what we can LEARN from it and what we can do BETTER to make sure everyone in our community has their human rights upheld ✌️ ⁣ I know we’re all in a rush to get our lives back to *some sense* of normality but this year has highlighted massively that “normality” isn’t good enough for some people 👎 There’s huge gaps in support and waiting lists as long as my arm for people in tipping point situations 😞 ⁣ Every day at work I get calls from carers, families in crisis, people with varying needs and disabilities telling me how they’re completely isolated, feel like they’ve been forgotten, support has been cut and they don’t know where to go next 😣 ⁣ COVID has been hard for everyone BUT as we rebuild we absolutely should be aiming to rebuild to a better standard and ensure that we all have a chance to lead beautiful, fulfilling, EQUAL lives ❤️

@helenalison_

I know, I know it’s easier said than done 🤦‍♀️ ⁣ But I’m here as your biggest cheerleader to say- all of this stuff is stopping you healing and moving on. ⁣ And you deserve better ❤️ ⁣ The underlying message of this really is: ⁣ 👉 TRY to stop putting other peoples needs before your own ⁣ You 👏 are 👏 your 👏 priority 👏 now 👏 ⁣ It’s a lesson we all have to continuously learn and relearn so join me in trying to manoeuvre this bumpy road of self love 🥰

@helenalison_

A few years ago I worked on the helplines for a charity that supported survivors of sexual violence ⭐️ ⁣ It was on these helplines, in the run up to a much more vibrant (read: not 2020 style 😞) holiday season, that I realised for the first time that Christmas isn’t happy for everyone. ⁣ Very naively I’d always assumed everyone enjoyed Christmas before listening to the fears, the pain and the sadness of those on the helpline 💔 ⁣ I just wanted to share this as a little reminder that: ⁣ A) it’s absolutely okay if you dislike the holiday season, if you find it hard/ irritating/ painful/ depressing. ⁣ Just try not to isolate yourself and go heavy on the self care right now 👭 ⁣ B) if you LOVE the holiday season, remember not everyone does and that doesn’t make them a grinch or a grump ❌ ⁣ When someone seems mardy it doesn’t mean they need Christmas spirit forced upon them 🤦‍♀️ ⁣ Rather just some gentle understanding and kindness ❤️

@helenalison_

Find your trusted people ❤️ Let them lift you up even in the hard moments when you want to hide from the world. ⁣ Find your champions and your cheerleaders and tell them how you REALLY feel, instead of relying on the old “I’m fine” 😞 ⁣ Replace that toxicity with so much love you know, even when sh*t gets real, you’re absolutely not alone 👭 ⁣ Oh and obvs don’t ever let anyone in who tries to pee on your parade 🙅‍♀️

@helenalison_

Tonight I was reminded why I do what I do ✨ I didn’t create Helen Alison dot com because I’m a therapist or trauma expert or because I have the theories and tools to support a survivor through the depths of their despair ❤️ (this job is done by some diff AMAZING people 🥰) ⁣ I created this space because in the small moments of my every day life I’m reminded that something I endured years ago still affects me- it’s in my moments of low confidence, in the way I don’t trust my decisions, in the fact I’ll leave a room full of men and it’s the reason I silence myself when I actually have a good point to make 😐 ⁣ Toxic, abusive, pure sh*t relationships can stay with you for a LONG ‘effing time and they can affect you in ways that to others might not *seem* substantial... ⁣ BUT causing you to shrink your life, second guess your worth and not show up for yourself and your goals- that stuff matters 🙏 ⁣ I created this space to support the women, who like myself, need the tools to thrive past surviving ❤️ The women who want to smash their goals, leave the past behind and carve a life out that is everything THEY want rather than someone else- this is for you ✨

@helenalison_

Moving on from a toxic situation can seem like an absolute minefield 🤯 regardless how much time has gone by actually letting go of the past and deciding you want more for your life is HUGEE. ⁣ And annoyingly no one has the roadmap with the exact steps showing you how 🤦‍♀️ ⁣ With this in mind, I wanted to put together these little Qs (that you can journal on 😏) to give you a starting point for working out what “forward” looks like for you. ⁣ It’d be easy to try to set goals based off what everyone else is doing, to decide what you want off what’s popular on the ‘gram or follow a “exact” 10 step guide from a coach or counsellor. ⁣ But quite honestly, growth is going to look different for everyone of us and so the only way you’re going to be able to really move forward is by putting YOU at the centre of your world again and doing some reflecting ✏️ ⁣ So why not use your Sunday eve to consider these 5 Q’s, give yourself a moment to pause and get a little clarity on what your next steps look like ❤️ as all those quotes and memes say- your future “you” will thank you for it 😉

@helenalison_

I started my life coaching course this week and as soon as I began I was reminded of how much I just LOVE and seek to support people in reaching their potential👌 ⁣ I’m really passionate about helping people realise there is no limit and removing any barriers (e.g. left overs from sh*tty relationships 💔) in the way to them creating the life they want. ⁣ As soon as I began reflecting on this though I realised how IRONIC it is then that I’m still guilty of telling myself the opposite of these things 😒 I keep myself playing small, I let barriers stop me in my tracks and I limit myself ALL.THE.TIME 🤦‍♀️ ⁣ Don’t I deserve the same as what I wish for others? Er yesss 👍 ⁣ This is just a gentle reminder then that everything we want for other people (our loved ones and our best friends particularly) we should seek for ourselves too ❤️ We should give ourselves permission to dream and to do and to love! We’re just as worthy ✨

@helenalison_

Practicing gratitude has SO many benefits- increased life satisfaction, happiness, motivation, joy 🎉 ⁣ So much goodness to be had 😍 ⁣ However, the more conversation there is about the power of gratitude the more I feel we need to be clear on what it's NOT as well as what it is ‼️ ⁣ After all, I never want a tool that is meant to support you to be used as ANOTHER stick to beat yourself with/ a way for someone to shame you 🤢

@helenalison_

Have you heard about the importance of “why”? 🤓 ⁣ In marketing and branding circles there’s always loads of talk about identifying your biz’s “why” because when you identify what you stand for (AKA: why you do the work you do) that becomes your motivation and keeps you focussed on your mission even when you cba to get out of bed in the morning 🛌! ⁣ We can easily apply this idea to our personal lives too ☺️ If we identify what’s important to us, what keeps us moving forward, what we’re doing “all this” for then it’s only going to support our progression 🤩 ⁣ So if you’re in a slump at the moment, if somethings rocked you or or you’re feeling the heaviness of your ex/ past relationship ask yourself these Q’s: ⁣ ❤️ Why did you end that relationship? ❤️ What “more” did you/ do you want? ❤️ What does your beautiful big picture look like? ⁣ I think these 3 Q’s will help you stumble upon where your strength comes from and WHY you’re pushing forward even when it feels harder than standing still 😘

@helenalison_

It’s called a “support SYSTEM” for a reason 👉 it takes more than one tool, more than one self care day, to keep us all ticking along ❤️ ⁣ Give yourself what you need, try different things until you find what works and don’t shame yourself - whatever you need to keep yourself happy, healthy, sane and grounded is ALL GOOD ✌️

@helenalison_

In case no ones told you recently, you deserve the world 🌎 You deserve to flourish, to fly and to fall in love with yourself over and over again. ⁣ You deserve to grow 🌱 and gain and feel goodness between your toes. ⁣ You deserve to decide what defines you; dive in to your life deeply and never dim your light 💡 ⁣ Remember the steps you took today are absolutely worth something, everything, even if no one else recognises them ❤️ ⁣ “I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.” - Maya Angelou 🙏

@helenalison_

I noticed some limiting beliefs coming up the other day, rubbish thoughts about my work and how it fits into my life mainly. And i stopped myself and just thought, you need to find evidence ✍️ ⁣ I needed to find the evidence of women already doing what I’m doing and SMASHING IT 💃 ⁣ Sometimes you have to SEE it to BELIEVE it’s possible - so go find those people for you. Find your tribe, your girl gang, that survivor network that helps you feel like you can thrive ✨ whatever it looks like for you, whatever you need to see to believe you can achieve! ⁣ And side note: if you struggle to find the people that lift you up in *real life* for NOW find those people on here, build your community on here and curate your social media feeds to empower you and remind you what’s available ❤️

@helenalison_

I’ve been reading Untamed by Glennon Doyle recently and I should begin by stating the obvious- it’s utterly fabulous 😍 I recommend EVERY woman read this book, seriously, pick it up and read a chapter and you’ll understand why 📚 ⁣ Anyway moving on from the gushing, reading different stories in Glennons book made me shift my thinking about the end of my toxic relationship 🤔 The story I’ve always told myself is that of a victim- that I was vulnerable, taken advantage of, manipulated and eventually got out. ⁣ I never focus on my strength - rather my weakness dominates the narrative 😑 ⁣ But reading this book, I don’t know why but probably something to do with it making you want to RIP ALL INVISIBLE CHAINS OFF LIKE THE HULK 😼 I realised no, I’m not the victim. ⁣ 👉 I effing walked away. ⁣ I didn’t stand for that sh*t, I did something about it, I stood up for my own self preservation and regardless of whether I ran away/ stumbled away/ skipped away or literally dragged myself away half breathing... ultimately I said NO ❌ ⁣ It’s not the speed or the grace in which you make decisions that matters, it’s the actual decision 👊 ⁣ I’m sure there’s a lot of you who equally are keeping yourself locked in stories that actually, tipped a little left and right, you’d be able to see they’re JUST STORIES and there’s absolutely another way of telling them. ⁣ One in which you’re the hero 🦸‍♀️ give yourself a break (read: cape) today 😏

@helenalison_

Healing is messy let's face it 🤯 it's a process that seems never-ending, there's no one right way to go about it and all anyone can ever do for you is ADVISE- everyone's "journey" is so different because we're all human ❤️ ⁣ My first blog on Helen Alison was allll about the process of healing because I have LOTS of thoughts 🥰 and they ALL revolve around being kind to yourself, giving yourself grace and time and space AND remembering that YOU are NOT responsible for someone else's actions ❌ ⁣ (Link is in the bio 👆for the full blog post for more in depth tips on how you can begin to move forward after a sh*tty relationship ☺️) ⁣ Sending you so much 💕💕💕

@helenalison_

If someone asked you who you were today what would you say? How would you define yourself? 🧐 ⁣ Regardless of whether you’ve given yourself that identity or you feel like you’ve been lumped with it thanks to a sh*tty set of circumstances- it’s important ✨ ⁣ It’s what you’re living every 👏 single 👏day 👏 ⁣ It’s the stories you’re telling yourself on repeat, it’s how you’re showing up in the world and it’s what’s helping you soar or keeping you LIMITED ❌ ⁣ How you see yourself is F****** ESSENTIAL because it’s how the worlds gonna see you👌 ⁣ We have a knack for holding onto stuff that we shouldn’t and labels are a huuuuuge part of that 💕 ⁣ Here’s some baby tips to making sure you’re OWNING who you are 🤩 and not showing up as a lesser version of you or a version of you that you don’t even recognise, ask yourself: ⁣ 👉 what words would you use to describe yourself? ⁣ 👉 what are the stories behind these words? (E.g. why did you choose them? Who gave you them?) ⁣ 👉 is this serving you or stopping you? ⁣ 👉 what ELSE could be true?

@helenalison_

Had a little cry the other day because, well, PMS is a sneaky b*tch 😂 and OF COURSE me being emotional led me to thinking about past stuff #youneverlearn ⁣ It was kind of cathartic though because sometimes it’s nice to look back just to see how far you’ve come 🥰 Around this time 4 years ago I was so poorly I had to give up work, my partner had left me because he couldn’t cope with the remnants of my previous toxic relationship and I didn’t know where I was going 😭 ⁣ What I did know (and I realise this is going to sound OH SO INSTAGRAMMABLE🤫) is that the only way I was going to get through this actual sh*tshow was to begin putting myself first and loving myself again ❤️ ⁣ And that’s what I did- it’s HARD and it’s slow and it’s messy and there’s absolutely no right way to go about it 😕 ⁣ BUT the other night when I was an emotional cow listening to Fifth Harmony I was reminded that I did it ☺️ ⁣ I hope, as always, this serves as a little reminder that you can too ✨

@helenalison_

I’m very British (read: stereotypically polite) and so the thought of imposing expectations on people and enforcing boundaries makes the People Pleaser in me absolutely SHUDDER ❌😂 ⁣ However I’ve come to learn, through my own mistakes and the work I do, healthy relationships very rarely just happen– they have to be created and nurtured💗 ⁣ If you want to know more about the how/ what/ why of relationship expectations click the link in my bio for my blog! 🤩

@helenalison_

We need to talk about forgiveness & you ✨ ⁣ 💕 Forgiving yourself for staying 💕 Forgiving yourself for leaving 💕 Forgiving yourself for not listening when other people "warned you" 💕 Forgiving yourself for listening to your partner when they said they'd change 💕 Forgiving yourself for the silly decisions and the irrational actions 💕 Forgiving yourself for having hope ⁣ The list is ENDLESS (and complicated‼️) ⁣ I know some people will read this and be like EH? 🧐 Why do you feel like you need to forgive yourself??? Isn't all the blame on the ex? ⁣ But if you know, you know 😔 ⁣ Leaving a toxic relationship behind isn't just about walking out the door, learning to love yourself again afterwards is a BIG thing✨ ⁣ And forgiveness is part of that- remember to show yourself some grace today and going forward 🥰 ⁣ Treat yourself as you would a friend is some of the best advice I’ve been given💋

@helenalison_

Yes you might look at this title and think, ITS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE 🚀 ⁣ And yep, you’re completely right BUT if I had a pound for every time someone’s shut a conversation down because they either got too uncomfortable listening and wanted to lead or they knew “the answer” to all my “issues” I WOULD BE A MILLIONAIRE 🎊 ⁣ So in an effort to making us all better allies 👆 here’s 8 tips for having kinder, more thoughtful, more productive conversations with those who have been in toxic and abusive relationships 🥰

@helenalison_

So my latest blog is all aboutttt *drumroll please* INSTAGRAM 💥 seriously aha! ⁣ I’ve been cultivating this little space to be super positive lately and I’ve been really intentional (read: strict) with myself about who I follow ❤️ (all in the name of self lurve obvs) ⁣ And so I’m sharing 9 instagram captions and accounts that fill me up! 🤩 ⁣ I LOVED putting the spotlight on all these accounts because sometimes it can seem like social media is all doom and gloom ❌ and confidence zapping 🙁 ⁣ BUT this proved a lovely little exercise evidencing to me that actually it can be a super uplifting space too if we allow it to be 🥰 ⁣ It’s all up to us really! 💪 ⁣ If you’re interested in some positive insta inspo the link is in my bio 👆 ⁣ And don’t forget to drop your favourite accounts below, I’m always on the look out for new peeps to follow 😍

@helenalison_

I was watching a Netflix documentary recently (obvs😏) and I was reminded of how important it is just to begin ✨ ⁣ Just to start recognising that you deserve more; to begin thinking about what you want for your life and to consider how you can action those things 🧐 ⁣ One of the reasons I do what I do helping women rebuild their lives after toxic, sh*tty relationships is because i used to work on a helpline supporting survivors of sexual violence ☎️ ⁣ On that helpline I had call after call from women who were living with 10,20,30 years of pure trauma and sh*t 😭 And I just used to think, why couldn’t someone have supported them sooner? What if they’d have had access to help to heal years ago? 💕 ⁣ Not only would those women not have been dealing with the same sh*t for all those years but they’d also not have had time to build that sh*t into their lives believing it was THEM- that there was no space between their experience and themselves. They wouldn’t have had chance for it to define them ❌ ⁣ If you’re reading this today, just begin- whatever that looks like for you- start on a path to healing and growing and loving yourself. YOU SO DESERVE IT👌 (And if you need a helping hand I’m always here ❤️)